Passion, The Fierce Madness That Drives Me

Passion is the bane of my existence. It tortures and taunts me, fuels and sustains me, awakening the best parts of myself. And as much as I hate it, it's the fierce madness that drives me. 

My life has been lived in constant pursuit of the spark. The new job that just might be "it." The project that I can look back on, rest my weary eyes, and feel like I contributed to this world. The life lived with purpose. The severe and drastic kind of love that leaves you breathless and scarred and forever changed. 

And all those things that you might see printed on a mug at Target. I want all those things.

I'd rather do what I love and get paid in hugs and I.O.Us than be stuck in an monotonous Groundhog Day of meaningless tasks. To me, a passionless life isn't worth living. But you're talking to an Italian, after all, and the words "overkill" rarely apply to anything we do. Explosive, on the other hand, often does. And if you've ever loved one, you know.

But passion is a tricky dichotomy.  A doubled edged sword fighting against any contentment you could hope to have. The contentment of the 9-5, predictable and safe, tree-lined street and two kids kind of life. It always pushes you - to do more, be more, accomplish more. But you can never satisfy it- and that results in restlessness. A life in which you never feel like you're quite there.

But isn't that better than being satisfied with less that what you were made for? Than what you could do? You've only got one trip around this world, ya know.

When it comes to relationships, passion is captivating. It draws you in and mesmerizes you until you are rendered helpless to whatever it wishes to do with you. Wherever it wants to take you. Spreading through you with reckless abandon, it is frustrating and explosive, safe and fiery, and all consuming. It is a good and bad, wonderful and horrible, inspiring and beautifully wild thing. It will possess you, frighten you, and seduce you. But it cannot be tamed - so do not try - because that would change everything about it that you love.  

Although passionate relationships are sometimes the hardest to navigate - they are also the hardest to let go - for all the same reasons. Like attracts like; and two flames that burn so intensely cannot easily be extinguished. Two passionate people are often a recipe for disaster. It's the problem with passion. But I believe a famous Neil (not Diamond for the love of gawd) once told us it is better to burn out than fade away. Well, I can tell you that he was probably right. I've been scarily close to settling so many times in my life. Settling for a job I despised, for a person I could live without, for an uninspired life.

And that... that would have been the bigger travesty, my friends. Bigger than any failure, or breakup, or enemy I could have created along this tumultuous path. And you're talking to the Queen of Mistakes.

And there I am. Forever chasing the spark.

How about you?

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